“I feel the need…the need for SLEEVES” — Bad Music, Bad Movies & the rest of the absurd at UFC 155

Posted: December 31, 2012 in Commentary/Opinion, UFC Events
jonahhill

Alan Belcher’s Tattoo

I decided to forgo the sports bar this time so I could watch the entire event with volume and the ability to rewind and re-watch certain things. Obviously that means I’ll be improving my viewing experience greatly. But it also means I’ll be able to catch a lot of stupid shit that I otherwise wouldn’t be able to see and hear if I was at a sports bar. Before I talk too much about the positives of the event–and there were many–let me share some a little bit of the absurd with you.

Dude, where’s your sleeves? Did anyone get a load of referee Chris Tognoni? He’s the UFC’s version of Ed Hochuli I guess. Dude isn’t really in shape, but he must like his arms, because they were on full display during his fights on Saturday. In a way, he’s an innovator. I’m pretty sure Tognoni is the first ref to wear a women’s babydoll t-shirt into the cage.

What’s next, Flock of Seagulls? I didn’t catch all the walkout songs on the night, but I caught a few and I heard some peculiar choices from guys I didn’t realize were in their late 40’s. Yes, Jim Miller’s “Bad Moon Rising” choice was odd. But maybe I’m missing some significance, so I’ll let it pass. But Costa Philippou walked out to “I Wanna Rock.” WHAAAT? That song is so dated and not cool anymore that I was wondering if some tropical storm might have caused a few pallets of garbage (aka Twisted Sister CDs) to wash up on Cypress’ shore. Maybe they think it something new—or good?

twisted-sister-1I know it was 30-27, I just don’t know who won. Well this is just terrible. Adalaide Byrd (yes, I’ll mention her by name because she sucks) actually sat at ringside and watched Varner/Guillard and somehow thought Melvin won EVERY round. I’m assuming Byrd was sober, but maybe I shouldn’t be so trusting. Or maybe there was a personal grudge of some kind. Did Varner refuse her sexual advances? Whatever the case, Byrd must be flipping coins out there. Her and Cecil Peoples should probably join Kim Winslow, Steven Seagal and Bob Sapp on the ‘Island of Misfit Toys’ of the MMA world. I’d prefer never to hear from these people ever again.

Belcher, you need sleeves more than Chris Tognoni! I have to bring this up every time Alan Belcher fights. What started out as Johnny Cash, somehow morphed into KD Lang over the years, and now has pushed the boundaries even more. Saturday I was confident that was a bloated Meatloaf on Belcher’s arm. However on closer review, I now believe it to be Jonah Hill. That’s messed up.

Why did these assholes even buy tickets? One constant on Saturday’s event was the chorus of boos that came out in EVERY freaking fight! I think I even heard these chumps booing Brittney Palmer. What is wrong with these people? When this happened at Target Center in Minneapolis this fall, Pat Barry confronted the dumbass—I have a feeling that would end the unnecessary booing during pretty good fights forever.

Movie 43 looks atrocious. With decals on the floor of the cage and constant hype, there’s one thing for sure—this movie will be a huge failure. When they talked about this being the biggest cast ever, I didn’t expect the trailer to lead with “guy who played Stiffler.” According to the Wikipedia page, Movie 43 features 12 different story-lines—according to me, that’s 12 too many.

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