How to be a Douchebag, MMA Style

Posted: July 26, 2013 in Commentary/Opinion
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3douches1If you are an aspiring or professional MMA fighter that has wondered what you could do to make people loathe you and view your sport in a negative light, then this is the guide for you.

LESSON ONE:  Cheap Shot a Girl

Mr. Miesha Tate aka Brian Caraway : Caraway is a master of douchebaggery. He could write entire libraries on the topic just from personal experience. Brian threw his hat into the WMMA ring when he “allegedly” tried to jump the line of contenders for the women’s bantamweight title backstage at the TUF 17 finale by trying to take out Cat Zingano with an elbow to the head. Mr. Tate denies it but the Zingano’s are sticking by their story. Despite the “alleged” attempt to give Miesha an edge, Caraway went home with a crumbled cupcake after Cat pounded his beloved’s face in with elbows, and knees, and fists of her own. Not one to learn his lesson, he responded to Ronda Rousey’s disparaging remarks about his character by tweeting

@BryanCaraway  and if she wants to challenge a man I’ll knock her teeth dwn her throat the break her arm!”

With statements like that supporting his nice guy persona, it is hard to believe he would elbow anyone, right?  Tate, Mrs. & Mr.–they are a package deal–will be appearing opposite Ronda on the new season of TUF.  When they meet in the finale, let’s hope Ronda doesn’t break the arm Miesha has up puppet Caraway’s ass.

LESSON TWO: Make Them Nap Even After They Tap

Renato “Babalu” Sobral: Sobral retired from MMA after his loss at Bellator 96 but his reputation took a beating after UFC 74. Sticks and Stone could break his bones and words hurt him so bad that after being called a mother f#cker by his opponent, David Heath, Babalu pissed his UFC career down the toilet by locking in an anaconda choke in the second round.  It wasn’t the choke that put the nail in the coffin, it was his refusal to break it after Heath tapped and ref Steve Mazzagatti made several attempts to physically break the hold himself.  Sobral waited until Heath went limper than Hugh Hefner when he’s waiting on Viagra refills before he released him. It royally pissed off the fans, Dana White and the Nevada State Athletic Commission.

After the fight, he told Joe Rogan that Heath deserved it for disrespecting him and was subsequently tossed from the UFC and forfeited half of his $50,000 fight purse. Ironically, about a month prior to the fight, Sobral showed respect to a bouncer at a Tampa, Florida Indian casino by picking up a battery charge for spitting on him after a verbal altercation. Babalu’s mugshot prominently featured him wearing his own t-shirt, just in case the jailer needed another form of ID.

LESSON THREE: Do Things on Purpose NOT Intentionally

Michael Bisping:  “The Count” is another sensitive guy that is deeply hurt by words and decided to respond to Jorge Rivera’s trash talk and insulting videos leading up to UFC 127 in the most professional way he knew how, by spitting on a cornerman and delivering an illegal blow.  Afterwards, Bisping claimed he was just spitting in the general direction to let them know what he thought of them because that’s how a camel  he communicates. Prior to the “unintentional” ejection of saliva from his mouth, the Count also “unintentionally” delivered an illegal knee in the first round of the fight that some believe altered the course of the match.

After coming under fire from UFC king pin Dana White, who said he believed the knee was intentional and didn’t care for Mikey’s post fight antics, Bisping issued a sincere half ass apology in which he was both ashamed of and denied spitting on Rivera’s cornerman or “intentionally” delivering the illegal knee. I know how you feel Mike, I didn’t intentionally push Billy into the water fountain either but I had to apologize too. The problem is, outside of nursery school, the “I didn’t do it on purpose” defense just doesn’t hold water.


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