UFC 163 Picks & Predictions (and plenty of dated Pop Culture References)

Posted: August 2, 2013 in Picks and Predictions
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UFC-163-posterWell since Nicole obviously cheated to beat me in her first attempt at predictions at UFC on FOX 8, I’ll have to step up my game this weekend. Does it bother me that there are at least 2 guys on the main card of UFC 163 that don’t even have Wikipedia pages? Yes it does. Will that stop me from pretending I know everything there is to know about them? Of course not. In fact did you know that Jose Tome once appeared on an episode Duck Dynasty?

Jose Aldo vs. Chan Sung Jung

Steve: With all this talk about a Zombie apocalypse, I wonder if Aldo has been stockpiling non-perishable canned goods leading up to this fight. KZ is on a roll. He’s put together (arguably) the best submission of ‘11, the fastest knockout ever, and (arguably) the best fight of ’12. All consecutively, and that’s amazing. Aldo is a different beast however. His striking is among the best in the world and he hasn’t lost since Ice Ice Baby was my favorite CD shipped from the BMG music club—for FREE, thanks to fake names! There’s a reason Aldo has been looking for challengers outside featherweight. And as much as I want to see a great back and forth affair, KZ’s layoff has just been way too long to make this competitive. MY PICK—Aldo by TKO3

Nicole: There’s a reason for all the hype that surrounds Aldo, he really is that damn good.  While it may be the year of the zombie at the Emmy’s, look for Jung to join the likes of the walking dead after Jose gets a hold of him.  Jung isn’t a joke but his opponent is on a winning streak dating back to 2005, longer than recently defeated Middleweight Anderson Silva.  His opponents as of late have read like a Who’s Who of UFC Featherweights with wins over Frankie Edgar, Kenny Florian, Urijah Faber, Chad Mendes, Manny Gamburyan and the list goes on.  This one will go the distance with both possessing a well-rounded game even though they staying on their feet.  My Pick—Aldo by DEC

Lyoto Machida vs. Phil Davis

Steve: The Jurassic Era lasted about 54 million years. The Machida era lasted 6 months. That’s still longer than the Uriah Hall era. Davis is looking to insert himself into the title picture here, but it’s going to be an uphill battle. While the Dragon has been fighting other former champions, Davis has been stuck in (almost) meaningless fights with Wagner Prado and Vinny Magalhaes. Those guys won’t prepare Davis for what Machida brings to the table. If Machida’s unusual and effective striking was problematic for veterans like Shogun, Hendo, Couture, etc. the greenish Davis will be baffled. Although he’s been jilted at the altar more than Jennifer Anniston, look for The Dragon to FINALLY get that title shot he’s been promised—well, unless Cormier steps in front of him. MY PICK—Machida by DEC

Nicole: Machida was once considered as elusive as the great white buffalo.  That was before back to back losses against Shogun Rua and Quinton Jackson proved that massive amounts of dragon piss hadn’t made Lyoto invincible and he was human after all.  His third loss in his last six outing was to the champ Jon Jones.  Everyone remembers the standing guillotine that left Machida crumpled on the ground like a broken doll with his eyes checking the back of his cranium for brain activity.  Since that nightmare, Lyoto has had a KO victory over Ryan Bader and split a decision with Hendo.  I expect Machida to stay “elusive” (some fans call it running) against Phil Davis who can handle things well on the ground with his grappling and wrestling skills.  With the home court advantage, the dragon will get a decision win by the hair of his chinny chin chin. My Pick: Machida by DEC

Cezar Ferreira vs. Thiago Santos

Steve: I can’t tell you how “happy” I am that all these injuries took place so I can pretend to speak intelligently about matchups like this one. I’d rather discuss ANY of the FX fights rather than this one. But since I’m WAY smarter than Nicole, I’ll press on. I know Ferreira is known to be pretty aggressive and can shift to attack mode at any time. I’m trying not to hold the fact that he’s a Blackzillian against him too much. But kind of like Sandra Bullock winning an academy award despite being a terrible actress, I think Ferreira will win despite his camp’s apparent disdain for training. MY PICK—Ferreira by KO2

Nicole: The Ultimate Fighter:Brazil winner Ferreira proved himself to be just as proficient in finishing opponent’s standing up as he is on the ground.  His only decision win came at UFC 147 against fellow Brazilian Sergio Moraes. I expect Ferreira’s hands to serve him well once again against an outmatched and outclassed Santos.  This one is probably not going to last long enough for you to grab some ranch for your hot wings, so stay put. My Pick: Ferreira by TKO1

Thales Leites vs. Tom Watson

Steve: It’s easy to forget, but Leites actually fought for the UFC title. Let’s just say, that went over like Sandra Bullock in improv class (hint—not well). Watson looked good in his last fight and picked up a KO in the process, but he spends more time on his back than Ian McCall’s wife. That’s a major issue against Leites, who has sick BJJ to go along with his subpar striking. Watson has a chance to own Leites on the feet, no question. But as soon as this thing hits the ground, he’s gonna be tap, tap, tapping. I think. MY PICK—Leites SUB2

Nicole: This one is elementary by dear Watson. Leites has been away from the UFC for four years while Watson is coming off a FOTN performance in his TKO of Stanislav Nedkov. Look for the Brit to give England its proudest moment since the recent birth of little George. Watson will keep this one standing where Leites’ excellent grappling skills will be as irrelevant as Lindsey Lohan in Hollywood. My Pick—Watson by KO2

John Lineker vs. Jose Tome

Steve: I’m sure we’ll see the usual criticism of flyweights on the main card as we always do, but I’m anticipating some great action. I actually think Lineker shows more than “just” the quickness and athleticism of a typical flyweight, but also an aggressiveness that should attract fans. I hear Tome is also an aggressive fighter, but might be a little on the reckless side. That should be all Lineker needs. I expect a pretty good battle, with Lineker quickly showing that he belongs in the top of the division. This one will turn ugly for Tome even faster than Kelly McGillis after Top Gun. My Pick—Lineker TKO2  

Nicole:  Even for a woman that knows everything, this was a tough one. I found myself asking “who the hell is Jose Tome?” the guy replacing Phil Harris. After a quick google search, I learned he likes chunky co-eds in high heels and goes by the alias Carlos Danger.  Wait, sorry that was an article on Anthony Weiner I was reading. Tome is currently on a 16 fight winning streak but I expect Lineker, a top 10 flyweight, to say “no way Jose” and ruin that run like the jackass that took my grandma’s lucky bingo spot. Jose took this fight on short notice and 95% of the time that turns out bad, just ask Bobby Voelker. While he may be looking to prove his worth in the division, Tome will have to overcome John “Hands of Stone” Lineker’s experience as well as the headhunter’s balls to the wall style. I don’t see that happening. My Pick: Lineker by TKO Rd 1

* * *

Current VigilanteMMA standings

Nicole: Total Points, 13 (record 3-1)
Steve: Total Points, 11 (record 3-1)

And here’s how we keep score…
Correctly pick the winner of the fight: 3 points
Correctly pick the round the fight will end: 2 points
Correctly pick the method the fight will end: 2 points
Correctly pick all 3 of the above: 3 point bonus

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