Top 10 WORST Predictions in MMA History (courtesy of the geniuses at VigilanteMMA)

Posted: October 2, 2013 in Commentary/Opinion, Top 10
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Im-Stupid2If there’s one thing we love around here, it’s wallowing in self pity. It’s what we do best. In fact, every time I make a bad call in print in front of MILLIONS of readers, it’s like my professional integrity just got upper-decked by Rosie O’Donnell. I think you’ll like this article as much as I hate it. It’s the Top 10 WORST predictions we’ve ever made in our lives. And we did it right here on VigilanteMMA.

10. Chris Lytle vs. Matt Serra will be amazing. Let’s not even dwell on the fact that I picked Serra to “rag-doll” Lytle. I don’t even know where I came up with that. But even worse—WAY worse—is that I predicted this fight would be a real barnburner and a virtual lock for FOTN at UFC 119. That fight was so fucking bad; it wouldn’t have won FOTN on the worst event in UFC history. Wait…UFC 119 was the worst event in history? Perfect. At least I got that right. Just an awful fight. They should show this fight to captured terrorists instead of waterboarding them.

9. King Mo will be Jon Jones’ next challenger. Don’t you hate it when you use terms like “guarantee?” I really backed myself into a corner here by using such a definitive word. Sadly, I made this proclamation right after Mo was fired by Zuffa for failing a steroids test and then calling the female commissioner a bitch. Let’s just blow right past spoiler alerts—everything I said about King Mo jumping to the UFC despite all that? Didn’t happen. Now I feel like the last guy in a human centipede.

8. Frankie Edgar must hate me. I’m not shitting you. I bet against Edgar five straight fights (actually 5 out of 6—I picked him to beat Veach). I inexplicably picked Sherk, Penn (twice) and Maynard (twice) to beat Frankie. Finally I got on the bandwagon and picked The Answer to defeat Benson Henderson at UFC 144. At this point, I don’t even care if Edgar hates me. Repeatedly picking against Edgar is like Andrew Ridgeley deciding to break it off with WHAM! in favor of a “can’t miss” solo career.

7.  Antonio McKee is a real UFC contender. Reading my analysis of his UFC debut fight with Jacob Volkmann, I have to ask myself, “Why was I swinging from McKee’s nutsack?” I basically guaranteed this dude would dominate Volkmann and insert himself right into the title picture with an elaborate victory speech. Now, most of you are probably asking, who the hell is Antonio McKee? Now McKee is about as useful as a condom at a sci-fi convention.

6. Sots will win LW title. I don’t even know if this was a terrible prediction as much as I just think I jinxed the poor fella. At the end of 2010, George Sotiropoulos was on a sick winning streak and I was fully engorged on his bandwagon. After making this bold call, he hasn’t won a damn fight since. When I made that pick, the reaction was exactly like the one I got when I walked into the bar and announced to everyone that I’m the one responsible for putting 8 bucks worth of Hoobastank into the jukebox.

5. Zero for UFC 141. What if you TRIED to pick the losers in every fight? Could you do it? I doubt it. Well if this was a contest to see who sucked the hardest, I would be #1. Five main card fights and I missed ALL of them. I’m like that lunatic on the street corner predicting the world will come to an end today…and then the next day…and the next. Like me, he just keeps getting it wrong. To remind you, I picked Lesnar over Overeem; Cerrone over Nate; Fitch over Hendricks; Matyushenko over Gustafsson; and Nam Phan over Hettes. A clean sweep of horrible-ness.

4. Hardy too good for Condit. Can you imagine? Picking Dan Hardy over Carlos Condit is like choosing a new Buick Verano over a Bentley because of the trailer hitch on back. But that’s exactly what happened here. “Someone” on our staff picked The Outlaw to beat the only 170-pound guy to wear a gold belt since before the iPhone was invented—except for GSP of course…and a couple cast members of Glee. Now we’re sitting here eating our ill-advised words again.

3. The Last Emperor returns to glory. This was kind of a dream matchup. Hendo vs. Fedor. One of our writers claimed to have nailed the prediction. If “nailed” means “made a mockery of it” then yes, he nailed it. Banking on the fact that Fedor had never been knocked out in his life—thereby leaving Hendo’s “H-Bomb” ineffective—is where this “100%” prediction went awry. When I re-read this nightmare, I feel as empty as the day I drove to Best Buy 4 hours before they opened–just to grab the new Ruben Studdard CD.

2. We know who’s gonna beat Jon Jones! Let me give you a clue—it starts with an H. Yep, Roger Gracie. This sounds about as feasible as Rob Kardashian and Jack Osbourne teaming up for a series of successful fitness DVDs for portly unimportant family members of people we kinda know. Hey, it’s not totally our fault. How were we supposed to know Hoger’s striking ability would most closely resemble that of Frasier‘s Niles Crane?

1. Sonnen’s 15 minutes of fame is about to expire. This is by far the worst call in MMA history. When Chael Sonnen beat Nate Marquardt, he did something strange. He started talking trash to the best fighter in the world. I wrote an entire article skewering Sonnen for being a dick. I begged him to play the role of “good guy underdog,” because quite frankly, he had ZERO chance of ever beating The Spider. And even less of a chance at remaining anything but a footnote in MMA history books. This guy was nobody and would always be a nobody…right? Ugh. I evaluate talent about as well as the jackass who picked Sam Bowie over M.J. in the NBA draft.

Dishonorable Mention: A few other horrific predictions that have spilled from the pages of VigilanteMMA like blood pouring from Bigfoot’s Cain-ravaged melon (and NO, I didn’t pick Bigfoot in that fight!).

Ellenberger/MacDonald “guaranteed to entertain.” I just threw up in my mouth when I re-typed these words.

James McSweeney over Travis Browne. Look, there’s literally NO ONE on earth who I would pick James McSweeney to beat at this point. Why did I pick him to beat Brown???

Maiquel Falcao is Wand 2.0. I bet big on this guy becoming a huge star. Well, I suck.

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