VigilanteMMA Exclusive: Santa’s “Naughty” List for 2013

Posted: December 16, 2013 in Commentary/Opinion

Santa-Naughty-ListChristmas is just a few short days away and we here at VigilanteMMA want to give you a peek at THE list; the most important list of the year—Santa’s list. We acquired this list from Santa himself. The guy was dressed in red and smelled of reindeer shit and peppermint schnapps so it had to be the big guy, right?!? Let’s just assume so. Anyway, without further ado…here’s the “naughty” list.

Miesha & Brian Tate: That set of 5 acting lessons Miesha bought on Groupon may have fooled some of the TUF viewers but that “B” movie performance didn’t make the vast majority of us forget her previous shenanigans. In addition to the passive aggressive pranks she pulled on TUF, we will best remember Mr. Tate for the douchebag cheap shot he hit Cat Zingano with according to her camp and other witnesses. Mean girl Miesha was said to have giggled about it in the corner like an immature fifth grader. Let’s not forget that part of the bad blood with Rousey was due to Mr. Tate stating on Twitter he would “break Ronda’s arm and knock her teeth down her throat.” There’s one classy douchebag. Since you made the naughty list, Miesha isn’t getting that nose job from Santa and Brian isn’t getting his balls back from Tate’s purse.

Rousimar Palhares: This guy has been rumored to be a slice of cheese short of a ham sandwich but that is still no excuse for holding a leg lock long enough for him to type help in morse code. Luckily Mike Pierce escaped career ending injury while Palhares failed to earn the submission of the night despite being the only submission. This isn’t the first time an incident of this sort happened with Palhares, so DW saw fit to cut the guy from the roster and permanently ban him from the UFC. He may have signed with the WSOF but he’s going to be leg locking a Christmas stocking full of coal this year.

War Machine: There isn’t much explanation needed here. This guy says so much stupid shit they are adding a “Dumbass Tweets by War Machine” section to the local library. To sum it up he thinks rape is funny, war veterans are pussies, dead cops are awesome, and he’s just joking about beating and raping his girlfriend. The only thing this moronic asshole might find under the tree is a pair of brass mittens to keep him from tweeting every idiotic thought that comes to mind.

Steven Seagal: Seagal is to MMA what a really ugly fat groupie is to a rock band—always around and taking credit for the successes of others. He was noticeably quiet when Silva got KTFO and lost his title to Chris Weidman. Prior to the contest, he was flapping his gums about all the people predicting the upset that need to shut up and leave it to the experts…”We’re living in a very, very … this is a strange pond to swim in. It’s a very, very, very strange pond to swim in. There’s a lot of people who have no experience in the martial arts who are talking like they’ve been doing it for 50 years, and talking as if they’re masters. There’s a lot of people who make up shit and lie through their teeth. There’s a lot of people who have huge egos and huge mouths, love to talk and say a lot of stuff.” The O Sensei himself just described why he is a permanent fixture on the naughty list.

There you go folks, do you think Santa got it right or did he miss a few when he passed out after having too much rum in the nog (that’s egg; not Big or Lil)?


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