Some fans like Machida; and others definitely … DO NOT

Posted: February 17, 2014 in Commentary/Opinion
Tags:

machidapeeBrad Walker, VigilanteMMA senior correspondent

Lyoto Machida Sucks. Hard.

Look, I’m an MMA fan before I’m an analyst and before I’m a hater but good God Lyoto Machida makes me hate this sport sometimes. Oh and yes I capitalized the name God, so eat a bag of dicks particular MMA journalist who said prayers don’t count. (Dave gets it, I guarantee he’s laughing right now) ANYWAY as I was saying Machida is a scared little girl in the octagon, but not like girl in a bad sense because I truly believe a 185 Ronda Rousey would beat him, but girl like girl scout selling you thin mints and do-si-dos. God he’s such a bitch.

Moving on, if the scoring system for MMA is based upon effective striking, aggression and cage control I’m mildly shocked that this man has ever won a round. I’d be surprised if he could buy a round of shots, if he ever fired a round of ammunition…you get the point. Somehow he also gets the points too for moving around the cage like Apollo Ohno on a pair of ice skates shooting for the gold, he’s always moving away. It’s not a matter of talent in my mind, because after Shogun beat him like a red headed step child he got a million times more elusive. Machida knows he had a glass jaw and goes out there to run away and back up in full speed to lull us all to sleep with shitty fights and boring decisions. MMA fighters should be fined for this kinda crap like they were in pride – stalling – running – being a bitch – BOOM fine. I don’t want to see this asshole in a title fight I want to see him in a double leg cast proving he can fight in close quarters.

Tactics make fights, and bad tactics make bad fights but Lyoto puts out more snoozers than a CVS pharmacy handing out free ambien, it’s absurd. Ben Askren looks like a coke fiend in comparison because he’s so active. Machida has KO power and is rumored to have BJJ skills (yeah I said rumored) so show me the shit before I stop ordering, watching or giving a shit about your fights because you are a sub average asshole Lyoto! Make me want to see you kill someone with karate before I swear off Steven Segal movies, choke someone out before I give up on BJJ winning fights at 185. Do SOMETHING other than tuck tail and run away when you see a punch. You suck Lyoto!

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