Worst thing of the Weekend … Tito squashes Shlemenko; now he thinks he’s good again

Posted: May 19, 2014 in Commentary/Opinion
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titoLADIES AND GENTLEMEN…TITO ORTIZ IS BACK!!!! There…I wrote that entire proclamation without busting out laughing (close enough anyway). But seriously, this “win” doesn’t signify anything of the sort, does it? I’ll back up a minute. In case you didn’t hear, Ortiz beat Alexander Shlemenko is just over 2 minutes at Bellator 120. It wasn’t the worst thing that happened that night, but let’s chat about this so-called career comeback for a while.

Even before the fight, I argued that this matchup was no win pairing. If Shlemenko wins, it makes your most recognizable “star” look ridiculous losing to someone so much smaller. And if Ortiz wins, one of your title holders looks bad losing to a guy who should have retired during Season 1 of Dexter. The latter occurred.

The moment both men entered the cage, it looked bad. Ortiz held such a size advantage; it looked like King Kong Bundy vs. S.D. Jones. And it didn’t last much longer. Despite managing to look sluggish as hell in the beginning of the round, he still treated Shlemenko—did I mention he’s one of Bellator’s “world” champions?—like Barry Horowitz, squashing him with sheer size.

You know that moment during NFL games when the kicker chips in a 32 yarder to narrow the score to 28-6 late in the 3rd quarter, and then goes into an elaborate celebration like he won the Super Bowl? Well, that’s how this felt. Ortiz’s declaration that he’s “back” was as cringe-worthy as his painfully “too much” victory celebration. It was like the beer-bellied 40 year old being moved to tears by his own 3 for 4 performance with 2 doubles in the Tuesday night slow pitch softball game win over arch-rivals Terry’s Pet Supplies team.

No, Tito is not back. Tito is still the exact same guy who lost like 30 fights in a row since sweeping a double-header from a washed-up Ken Shamrock in 2006. All Ortiz did was squash a Bellator champ—who he outweighed by at least 30 pounds (I contend Shlemenko had 2 pockets full of silver dollars just to get up over 200 pounds)—making that champ look weak in the process.

There was plenty to roll your eyes at during that PPV, including crazy in-ring behavior, painful pacing problems, over the top hyperbole, and head scratching judging. But for some reason this fight sticks out as the most egregious part. This fight never should have taken place in the first place. The only real winner of that fight was Tito’s ego. I wonder if he’ll be fighting newly crowned interim lightweight champ  Will Brooks next? He might as well ruin that belt too.


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